Internal Narratives

My wife and I have two cats. One is named Tortie. Sometimes she likes to call out. She does this most often when she finds her favorite ball.

A few days ago, she came near me while I was meditating and started calling out. I couldn’t figure out what she wanted…it wasn’t play, it wasn’t petting…but it always sounds like she’s in distress and I’m failing her. I went back to meditating and she stopped calling out after several more minutes. Even after she stopped, I kept thinking about her. Her call kept re-emerging in my mind. I became frustrated with my inability to meet her needs. The irony is this was a perfect test of the practices I was trying to cultivate with meditation, but I didn’t see that in the moment.

For the remainder of the meditation, with my eyes closed, I kept imagining Tortie sitting in front of me waiting to have some need filled by me. And I kept suffering because of that internal narrative. When I opened my eyes, she was not there. All the discomfort, rumination, frustration, and reactivity I had been struggling with for the past minutes while replaying her call in my mind was my own creation. Only my mind kept her present and, more important, kept re-manifesting my internal struggle.

I turned around to find her curled up on a pillow behind me. For all I know, her cry was simply to say, “you’re doing great, keep it up, I love you.”

When you feel uneasy or notice a struggle in your mind, try to step back. Look for what parts of this story are facts and which ones are stories you’re making up. We suffer so much from the stories we make up. We do this every day in relationships, with others and with ourselves.

Many athletes do this in the context of their training. When you recognize a struggle or negative thoughts about yourself, look for the narrative you’re making up. Crush it by focusing only on facts, emphasizing the good ones, letting go of unhealthy attachments or emotions, and by talking to yourself like your own best friend.

Brené Brown talks about the stories we tell ourselves. If you don’t know her work on vulnerability, I strongly recommend watching her Netflix special called the Call to Courage.